The Honeys
by BonesBird
Summary: Comedy fic-AU  sorta  - for all my Hotch Honeys... The Honeys kidnap Hotch, and Morgan.


**Title: The Honeys  
Summary: Comedy fic-AU (sorta) - for all my Hotch Honeys... The Honeys kidnap Hotch, and Morgan.**

**So. All the honeys are with us, even though I only name the Head Honeys. There are too many of you to name now! I don't wanna leave anyone out so I won't try naming, but Honeys, I love you all! Lets continue with our campaigns!**

**For everyone reading this who ISN'T a Honey but would like to be one, go read the rules on www. hotchhoneys. com and then apply! Thanks! x Head Honey Shin x**

* * *

Aaron Hotchner walked into his office. Another morning of coffee and UnSub searching, thankfully close to home. Some cases were closer to home than others. This one was about as close to home as could be.

He stopped still as once again there was a large package on his desk. At one time, a long time ago, just after the first time he googled his own name and discovered a cult devoted to him, he'd made the mistake of addressing them on twitter, and since he had found little "presents" address to him.

Jack's favourite had been the goat they'd sent him. A live goat. The note attached, in rounded handwriting had said that it was their sacrifice to him. But they hadn't had the heart to kill it, so they'd sent it alive instead.

He had Garcia monitoring their tweets, their facebook messages, everything she possibly could to find out where they were. So far they were all over the US, England, Ireland, Canada, Australia, Central Europe and even Japan. There didn't seem to be anywhere he could go and avoid them.

Garcia was following the movements particularly of the 4 members who seemed to be the heads of the organisation. They went by their twitter codenames, and had a chatroom that even Garcia couldn't hack wasn't truly worried, or he hadn't been, until they had organised a field trip. To visit him. In Quantico.

Now he was counting down the days, getting ready to issue restraining orders left, right and centre.

He remembered a tweet Garcia had read out to him, the cult was asking him if their restraining orders could be purple, and sparkly. He wondered if that was even possible.  
"Hotch, is that from" Prentiss asked as she saw him still stood in his doorway, she stopped beside him and added in a stage whisper "them". He nodded, walking slowly over to the parcel he saw Morgan and Reid fighting to get through the door first. His packages from his fans made them all jealous, they didn't get presents from 'fans'.

He opened the package to find a number of ties. All red ties. Did he really wear that many red time it was different handwriting. Neat and slanted."Wear one of these when you see us, we'll be there next week. The Hotch Honeys".

* * *

"Tish, you're on my foot" Shin whispered loudly, glaring across at her friend

"Sorry Shin, we don't all really fit…" Tish whispered back, elbowing Sheila

"Nath, can you stop She squealing" Shin hissed, glaring down the end of the box.

"Sorry I can't help it" Sheila whispered, giggling quietly.

"She'll never get us in if you're making noises like that She" Tish whispered

"I'm _sorry_" Sheila grinned.

"Shin, stop being bossy" Tish said, elbowing her on the far end

"I'd rather not thank you!" Shin exclaimed, when a knock on the boss came.

"Shhh girls" Garcia whispered, they fell quiet as they were moved around.

* * *

A week later he found himself on high alert as he dropped Jack off at school. Garcia had shown him pictures of the girls, and he hadn't seen one of them yet. He was looking out. He didn't think they were dangerous, at least not to anybody else. His health was questionable with them. He saw a few girls as he drove from the school towards Quantico, others with them, just waving at them he continued to Quantico.

By the time he arrived at the BAU he was concerned that he hadn't yet seen one of the 4 that Garcia had flagged as being potentially troublesome. He knew their first names, and their twitter names, and a few other things about them. He knew a little about their professional lives, mostly what they'd posted on facebook.

He had a morbid fascination with the Honeys. He quite enjoyed the attention he got off them. The pictures of their socks that they sent to his twitter, everything else they sent. He'd read some depraved conversations between two of the heads. Seeing a larger box on the floor of his office he immediately called to the team. "Looks like I've got a big one now they are in town" he shouted, seeing Prentiss, Reid and Morgan run up to his office, Garcia following much more slowly. Morgan quickly ran for a hammer, before they all opened the box.

"Yeah but Sheila, it's not rape if you have your socks off… hello" one of the girls said, as the light hit the four girls they all squinted. The BAU team stood staring at the girls, besides Garcia, who was silently laughing at the back of the throng.

"Er, we're the Head Honeys, top of the Hotch Honeys" Nath said, looking up at them all. "We've come to kidnap you" she pointed at Hotch "and you" she moved her finger to Morgan. The four girls grabbed them and ran, before the rest of the team had time to do anything other than laugh.

* * *

"Hotch, you told me they were dangerous" Morgan looked over to the other bed, he had been dragged to one of the other rooms as often as Hotch had, but the man seemed to be enjoying the attention of a number of girls.

"They aren't dangerous, truth be told I'm quite enjoying this" Hotch said with a grin. Morgan had never seen Hotch smile as often since he and Haley split up.

"Who'd have known you were into the kinky stuff" He laughed, shaking his head and looking around the room.

"I wouldn't say I'm into the kinky stuff. But three women and a pair of handcuffs… I didn't know you could do so many things with handcuffs" Hotch said with a wink

"You like being kept as a sort of sex slave don't you" Morgan asked, trying to shake himself free, Hotch had standard handcuffs, while he'd been tethered to the bed with two pairs of purple fluffy handcuffs.

"Maybe a little" Hotch replied with a glint in his eye. Morgan groaned as the girls walked back in

"After a Honey meeting we've decided to let you go, as long as the inevitable restraining orders are purple and sparkly"

"What if I don't want to give you restraining orders. Lets do this every year" Hotch laughed as he was freed, he pulled on the shirt and pants that was on the floor beside the bed he'd been locked on

"We're up for that. How about you Morgan?" they smiled at him, laughing as Hotch slipped his handcuffs back into the pocket

"I'll slap you all with restraining orders. Purple and sparkly you say?" Morgan asked, not expecting the glares he received off the four girls

"No. Blue and sparkly from you" one of them said, almost growling at him

"We all have our own colours for restraining orders" he had to ask, wondering why they felt the need to colour code their restraining orders.

"We're all superfans. So yes, all apart from Garcia. She is one of us" the girl who let him free said. He grabbed his clothes and ran, not looking back

"I'm gonna kill her" he shouted back. The girls smiled at Hotch as he started walking towards the door to leave

"Remember Hotch. We took your socks off, and it's not rape with your socks off"…

* * *

**I think I've lost it. Officially. You all know I like to write the occasional parody fic. Well. This is my one for late 2010.**


End file.
